Explaining

The reason I started this blog was for a few reason. The first was to document my experience in Singapore. I wanted to give a detailed account of what I was up to and express the excitement of doing something really interesting. The blog is also my chance for me to explain what I am up to. Too many times, I express that fact that I am an artist to people and they ask me what it is I do. The simple answer to that question is everything, but what people want is an answer like "I paint" or "I'm a sculptor." It's never been that easy because what I do is about an experience and more thematically based. I really wonder if I'll ever get to a point where I don't have to explain what it is that I do.

This comes up after talking to one of my in-laws good friends the other day. We were going through the typical explanation of what I've done and what I want to do. I expressed the fact that I've had to find ways to fund the work I do, mostly having to bear the financial responsibility myself. While that is slowly changing, she could understand why I should expect to get paid for what I do. In some ways she is exactly right. For too long, I've not believed that I should get paid and be supported for my work. It is bullshit that doesn't happen. Though the more that I thought about it I remembered that doing art for me is not about the money. It has never been about the money. It is about the experience of talking to people and interacting. Even if it continued to cost me money, I would never stop doing what it is I want to do.

I heard Charles Merriwether, artistic director for the 2006 Sydney Biennale, say something to this effect. The subject of supporting the artists he chose for the biennale came up in discussion and he said something to the effect that biennales are a good way to give artists the chance to not have to pay for their own work and break away from living a life where a 40hrs a week is spent working to support the other time that is spent making art.

At the moment, I am at a crossroads. I've been using the last several months to reflect on my practice and really decide if it is something that I want to take seriously or should I pursue it as more of an amusement. I've decided to take it seriously, but that choice is not an easy choice, especially with comes with having a wife and daughter.

One thing that I have decided is that the effort in the US to support young artists is totally lacking. I am totally frustrated by the how difficult it is to accomplish the ideas I have. For now, I just don't have the knowledge or ability to make the work happen. The question is how and not what.

My guess is that this is just another part of the weeding out those that lack desire and ambition. God is this hard. I'm not sure if I really have this drive. Though this can't stop me. The goal must be to make people believe in the work and in me. I just need to keep hacking away and something will come through.

One thing that I will say - If I ever get established my major goal is to make opportunities for others. That is the biggest thing that Keng Sen did for me. He opened up opportunities for me. There is nothing more that I could have asked of him.

Returning to Reality

The familiarity of walking into the crisp autumn air outside of JFK was extremely comforting on Friday, as I completed my adventure to Singapore. It is kind of sad to leave a place that I feel so much has happened in, but at the same time, I am returning with a new sense of purpose.

In my last post, I was contemplating the end of my journey, trying to find some closure to the events of the last two months. While I do feel distant from Singapore now, there is an understanding of a process taking place. I am in transition. Where as before art has seemed so unfamiliar and uncertain, now I that has changed. In its place is a desire and confidence that is driving me forward. Actions and movements make sense. The questions are now longer about how, but when. Tied up in all this is a sense of control, which has never been there before. I feel empowered and now can take aggressive steps to larger goals.

Singapore was my launching pad. It was my beginning. I realize how fortunate I was to have that resource at my disposal. Now it can't be left and forgotten. The energy and resources that have come out of this trip must be used to move forward. I would feel like I'm waisting something if I didn't take advantage of it.

So, what is next? New York is next. That behemouth of an art capital. It is time to attack. Doing so in a very aggressive manner. It is a bit duanting, but I feel ready. I feel prepared. It is not going to be easy to crack into the shifting movements of that scene, but it is a game that I am ready to play. Being willing to plough ahead and try to make something happen.