March 2007

Coming and Going. I can never seem to catch myself. But every day seems just a little closer to where I do want to be.

I've again been thinking about the future and the past. Mainly trying not to make mistakes in an effort to get where I want to be. Thought that last weekend was a good step in that direction. Started an adjunct teaching stint. In the end it went well, but the process was quite painful. Realized that teaching is difficult and that it takes a lot of time and effort. Guess nothing in life is never easy. Though, I thought that teaching a game design course would come easier than most. The more I think about this, the more I realize where my sensibilites lie.

I had a talk today with another artist. We were discussing our development as artists. For the two of us it is going to be a long slow development. We both neither have the money nor the aggressive nature to become ArtStars. But in this process it becomes apparent how choices become very important. It is almost like forming an identity. If I chose to go one way then I become that person. The other way means being someone else. So, the question becomes what type of artist to I want to become? Who is it that I want to be? I'm feeling drawn to a specific answer, but that answer doesn't fit exactly. Again, it is somewhere in the middle. But the middle is a place where I'm hoping not to be. It is that grey area. I need something more definite. Especially when it is hard to define what it is I even do. It is everything and nothing at the same time. No one understands it. For me it's still hard to talk about it. I'm just hoping answers will come.