Gettn Around to It

Was going to write about some ideas I had about conceptual art. But does it really matter. Ok, I'll sum it up quickly. Can art be only an idea? That want I've been dealing with. My answer is yes! No need to make anything ever again. Hurray. That takes a load off my mind. That's what grad school should have taught me. Maybe it did, it just took a year for me to realize it.

I've just discovered Lily Allen. Brit Pop has invaded my life. Wonder what it feels like being 21 and a music star. Must be nice to be making loads of money and travel the world. I'm happy to say that music has come back into my life and it feels amazing. Forgot how great it makes me feel and it's all around me.
Was wondering if everyone thinks that some day they will make it big. Well not big, maybe just do something important. I guess that is defined by the person. Once a guy told me that all I need to do is ONE BRILLIANT thing in art and you're set. It would be nice to do something brilliant. Wonder if I have it in me or not?
Right now, I just want to have a little fun. Would be nice to get out of dodge and take in some sites. Maybe find a bit of trouble. Or atleast make me think lit I'll get in trouble. I'm sick of having to be an adult. Guess that comes with the territory.
No, it doesn't. Being fun is a state of mind or a way of life. I tend to be a bit too serious. Another change to make in my life. Always evolving that my goal.

Good Day

Today was one of those days where things fit into place and the neurons in my brain have been firing at full. Ideas have been ever present and I've even had the chance to devour some theory. It is the type of day that I want to have everyday, but life tends to get in the way.

Yesterday consisted of a meeting with a local artist and gallery owner. Went to visit her gallery and then was invited to have dinner with her and several friends. The short trip became an interesting night spent meeting really nice people. Mix in good food and a few beers, and you have a great time. Though being the youngest at the table, I felt at ease and a part of the dialogue. And what a dialogue it was. Ranging from architecture to art, we covered a lot ground. I kept making similarities to the conversations I have with friend and aquantances of my own age. These people had nothing to hide and it atleast seemed like honesty presided. You never know though.

Another discouragement in my present situation is that I feel as though young artists aren't willing to have a dialogue or converse on an honest level. People are always hiding behind words that are too complex and meaningless. I've always felt that this pervasing competitiveness that is in the art world really stifles what could happen. The last two weeks, I've been reading about the Situationists, a group creatively and politically motivated. When was the last time I had a conversation that was politically progressive and not just a spew of words from FOX, CNN, or the NY Times. Status Quo prevails. Again, it is all about talk and no action. That is what I miss, action. It is probably why I'm making work that gets back to physical activity and connections. It is this loss of connection between people and it's replacement with these fake, empty tendrils, that bothers me. I keep having a conversation with a guy at work, but it never gets past anything more than these very shallow interests we have.

With all the time I have been spending near works of art (I'm a gallery attendant), I have had time to think about some major artists and their work. It has given me time to concentrate on this work. I have lived with it so much so that I even know its flaws and how it will one day fall apart. What I see is moment in history. A moment that took place almost 40 years ago. Now it has become a relic of business transaction. A legacy of two people that spent a great sum of money to support that type of work. But what now? It becomes a tomb stone, a monument. An object that really know one cares for, except when they are told to do so. I wish more money was spent in creating work than in building this didactic history. What I do now is watch the slow decay of what was once a great idea. Now I get to interact with the people that are being paid to make that idea or value last as long as it can. Where is the true meaning or worth?

In the last two hours, I've had several ideas to write about tonight. Though they escape me at this moment. Very typical for me.
A person that I knew in college emailed me today. She expressed a similarity of position between where she is and I am. There is comfort in know others are going through something similar. But, I'm wondering if that comfort is something that I should dwell on or a realization that it is just another way of anesthetizing an already moderate situation. It does feel nice to know that there are others, but part of me feels like that is just apathy. Actually, I'm just happy to hear from her. It was a very unselfish thing to do on her part and I am very thankful.

Again that idea of being boring or just falling in line with what I should become is present. It almost makes me want to revolt. Turning things on their head and radicalizing every aspect of my life. Though that would be too hard and irresponsible to those that I hold close. The question then becomes, can I find a point at which this need to break with the norm can fit with a life that needs stability. Can actions and ideas separate themselves. Maybe!

One of the characteristics that I admire about myself and that caused many problems in grad school is this need to break with or avoid the traditional. It has alway been about breaking connections and then trying to rebuild. What I'm realizing is that this breaking has led to a lot of loss. Loss that I feel can never return. That is something which I don't want to see happen. I want to become a more social person. Not the artist in his studio, having conversations with himself. But, a person partaking in a larger discussion. But where is this discussion?

Maybe it is something that I have to build on my own. That is actually my goal over the next few months. To begin a dialogue that grows into something larger.

Beginning Anew

Since last October, I have really felt like there has not been much to discuss via this blog. My life has been in total transition. I haven't accomplished any real work and each day goes by without a feeling of having gotten any further than I was the day before. Maybe this is exactly what I needed after Singapore. A dose of real life. The realization that this won't be easy. Maybe it is time to review what I've been doing and take stock of where I want to go.

I have 5 months or so, until I turn 30. It's not significant in any terms, but it has made me think about what I want to accomplish in life. People I know are making gobs of money, having secure lives, with a home, cars, an retirement account. Though when talking to these same people, I feel like they have sold their lives for a typical suburban American dream. One the I find extremely boring. Then you have a life like mine, where I've been jumping around. Doing this and that. My guess is that it is finally time to sit and think about what I really want out of my life. In the difficult times, I realize how easy choices are to make, yet the consequences later are hard to deal with.

Coming into this year, I've been very excited. That excitement comes in the hope that positive things will happen this year. Though, I understand that we all hope for the best and believe that something new is around the corner. My conclusion on this is that good things come to those who put themself in the position to succeed. It doesn't happen by waiting. Part of me feels like that is exactly what I'm doing, waiting. This might be a realization that you don't succeed for having good ideas, they must be realized and marketed to the right people.

Now, it is just going to take the initiative to make those things happen and create the person that I really want to be. I know that person. There is a vague picture of him in my mind. It is just a matter of inventing a process to make that happen. This year will go along way to accomplishing just that.